You will always be in my heart and in my thoughts, Mama…..

It took me awhile but I was able to soldier on and complete this video for my mom. She had a good fight and a good life. Although I miss her terribly, I know she’s in a better place now.

September 26, 2020 0

I don’t want to remember but I don’t want to forget either…..

Out of nowhere you’d remember that someone who mean the world to you

Suddenly tears fell and heart breaks again

there’s no stopping the rain

there’s no stopping the pain

you don’t want to forget

but you don’t want the pain that comes with remembering….

I miss you, it hurts….

May 3, 2016 2

I am not the only one…..

Its been a while. I have been very busy at work that I just didn’t get the time to work on my blogs. And I’d say I really missed writing. A lot has happened since I wrote last, there were good and there were bad. But I am truly blessed that I was able to go through all those with the help and guidance of God. I’ve gotta tell you, I’m not a frequent church goer but I do believe in God, and I have a strong faith that I held on and still holding on to amidst the trials in life.

Earlier today, I was just browsing through Facebook. I usually just read stories or articles that are shared to pass the time before I begin on my second work. I saw this article or a video of a man making a vase out of crayola. The artsy that I am, of course I was fascinated. He has his own tool shed with all the tools a guy who’s into creating stuff has. You can see that he likes all his tools and of course finds them very useful for his craft and work. I suddenly remembered my brother in law. He was my older sister’s husband, my sister who passed away last year because of Cancer. I remembered him because he also has a tool shed like the guy has, he was kind of crafty too and likes to make all sorts of things, from cabinets to chairs. I remember him valuing all his tools. I remember him said that a tool is as good as its owner so you have got to keep on learning how to do things and not be contented with what you have learned. He was a very big part of me and my youngest brother’s childhood. He and my sister were together for 10 years before they decided to get married. So he was basically a big part of my growing up years. I remember we used to be close. Me and my brother used to spend summers with them. Like all marriages, theirs isn’t perfect. Of course, in those times I would side with my sister for I always think that she deserves better. That’s when we started to somehow grew apart, me and my brother in law. From someone I admire and look up to, he became someone I despise the most. Then my sister got sick. It was straining for all of us, I know. But everyone handles things differently. I quit my new job so I can be there for her. And during that time, I was really mad at my brother in law. I can’t help but think if he did something sooner this wouldn’t be happening. Then the faithful day came, my sister breathed her last. I was mad, furious and extremely sad. My sister practically raised us, and now she’s gone. And I can’t help but feel like I have not done so much to help her. Even now that it has been a year, it still feels like it was just yesterday. The pain is still there, searing through my heart drilling a hole that forever will be void because of my sister’s passing. I blamed my brother in law, was difficult to him thinking that I lost my sister because of him. And now, seeing this man with his tools, I remembered him. I remembered he sold everything they’ve got so he can at least give something for my sister’s medication and at the same time be able to provide for my nephew, who was only 12 years old then. They lost their house, the one that he and my sister bought together, and when she died all they have were their clothes and things and they needed to move to a different house for the person who bought their house said its time that he and his son to vacate the house. Its a good thing that he has his sisters to help him and his son to start a new life.

I now realized, I wasn’t the only one who lost a loved one, I wasn’t the only one who’s hurting til now, I wasn’t the only one. He too lost a big part of his life, his wife, who he vowed to spend the rest of his life with. I am not the only one, and I feel sorry that it took me this long to realize that. I truly am.

April 27, 2016 4

I am a tool.

In most cases if someone tell you “you’re a tool” it connotes something negative. But I would like to have a different feel to that now. For I consider myself as a tool. Not someone who is considered as geeky or stupid but I am a tool because I consider myself as someone who helps others achieve what they want in life by accomplishing baby steps to get to it.

I remember my last post was about finding a job. This did help my family as I am now able to manage our finances well but most importantly aside from the monetary gain I have, there is something more to it than just numbers. I am a teacher. I teach English online to those who aspire to better themselves by embracing the fact that most countries now speak English, and for you to be able to catch up to the rest of the world you have to be able to communicate in a medium everybody uses. I have several students everyday, they range from kids to young adults who are ready to take on the next level of their lives. I see the struggle to learn and I want to be there for them. I feel extremely happy when I see progress in my students, it may sound mushy, but as an educator that is a milestone for me. That today, my students are a step closer to their dream than they were yesterday. And you know what feels even better, its when your students take time to thank you for helping them. Most can say it is my job to do so, but for them it is something even more. The other day my student said “I want to tell you something please before we move on to the next topic”. So I was like “okay, sure do you have any questions?” (Before starting the class, I usually tell them that they can ask me questions if there is something that they don’t understand so I can help them to. And that they should not be shy about it because I am here to help them learn). He said “I don’t have any questions I just want you to know teacher that I appreciate what you do for me. You always give me corrections and suggestions to improve how I speak not like the others. And I am really happy about it because I am now better. That’s all teacher.”. After that I hardly have words, it felt like there was a big lump in my throat that I can’t speak. I was so touched that they see the effort that I put it and even happier that he can now express himself better.

My students say this all the time, you think that by hearing it a number of times you won’t get the feels anymore. But every time a student thanks me its like hearing it the first time over and over again. This kind of appreciation and self worth cannot amount to any denomination. For it may be my job to teach them but its my calling to help them learn. So yes, I am a tool and I am proud to be one.

March 12, 2016 3

What is family???

I love watching TV series. I usually watch NCIS, Criminal minds, CSI (Las Vegas, though now its just CSI, Cyber Unit which I haven’t had the chance to watch just yet), Hawaii Five-0, Bones. Last week, I’m on NCIS New Orleans. This particular episode hit me. It was a story about a a gay couple whose daughter was abducted. Its not really about the action, the suspense, but how they are as a family. Growing up we were taught that a family consist of a father, mother and siblings. But as I grow up its all about the people who loves you unconditionally and deeply.

Let me give you a peak to mine. Normally, as what society dictates, consist of a mother, father and children. When I was growing up I have a mother, 2 dads and siblings. No, my mom isn’t promiscuous, its just that certain circumstance lead to her being separated from her first husband. But that’s not the end of it. My stepdad (my mother’s first husband) had emphysema. Though separated, they still live in the same house. So when my mom met my dad, my dad knew of the situation but didn’t mind at all. He took care of all of us, and yes even my stepdad. It was not all fairy tale but we our house was full of love. My mom and dad would work, while I stay with my siblings with my step dad. I had convulsions , I usually have this epileptic streak every now and again when I was young. My stepdad was the last face I see whenever I had those “moments” and his face is also the first face I see whenever I come to. That is love. He’s not my real dad but he loves me and he’s there for me. So you see, not all unconventional family is dysfunctional, sometimes those kinds of family is the best any kid could ever hope and pray for. And I can truly say I am really blessed to be born into my family, though not perfect as how society sees it but it was all I ever need. Cheers to us with unconventional families!

February 16, 2016 4

My love….

Hearts yearns what it will

No amount of words can compensate

It will defy what there is

and no human touch

can ever discern

Distance may hinder

but the heart shall never cease

only with the union of two hearts

will the ever pending feast shall exist

oOOo

PING BACK: Pranabaxom I’ve finally tried making poetry without so much constrictions. Thanks for the inspiration. Happy heart’s day my friend 🙂

February 14, 2016 2

Sharing is caring ~ Series 1

Since it is February and it is definitely the LOVE month, I would like to share these different posts that talks about different kinds of love. For love cannot only mean your love for your partner, husband, wife, family. I can also mean love for our furry and feline lovees , love that can be taught to further the line of love and life altogether, and our strong love for those who we treasure, deeply love & protect.

I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I did. 🙂

February 7, 2016 9

Closer today than yesterday

As I lay on my bed

I glanced up at our photo atop my drawer

I suddenly remembered the last time we were together

I remember vividly for I’ve always regretted

leaving you there, thought I should’ve known better

As much as it pains me then

I know what I needed to do

& deep in my heart I know you know it too

But now, all the consolation that I have

is knowing now that you are free

free from all the pain in this world

healthy, happy & full of glee

I miss you everyday

I know you hear me say

But I’ve learned to be happy

for today, I am closer to being with you

now than yesterday

oOOo

This is in memory of my sister who passed away last year due to lung CA.

February 4, 2016 2

I can do it!!

Before we set out into the world, we have endured countless hours of studying and making ourselves masters if not at least knowledgeable on certain areas in life. This is for us to be prepared in what we call the “adult life”. Because once we set out into the world and leave our nests there’s no turning back. I for one was a Communications Major in College, but as I go through my life, there are times that just doesn’t give you that much choice. So its either you wing back or get hit by the bat, right? Well, I always choose to swing back. I feel that though the circumstance that I’m or I was in was not really something that I would be glad to get into, but the thing is you have to deal with it.

So yeah, I was a Communications Major, then I got my first job in Call Center (yes, Philippines is swarming with BPO or Call Center companies). I was really happy there and yeah I was able to put my education into good use, communicating 🙂 But the thing is, since most of the clients are overseas, we have to work at night. And there came a time where in I became more prone to sickness because of it. So I decided that I should just get a regular job, like in Philippines time. One day, one of my friends asked if I can accompany her to her job hunting. Little did I know that she was applying for a bank and that she asked me if I wanted to apply too. At first, I was like “I’m not into banking and finance. I am a Communications Major”. And the only time I spent time doing math in school is during Math subjects which isn’t one of my major ones. So basically, I know how to count, add, subtract, ,multiply and add, but that’s it. She then told me “trying won’t hurt you know”. And so I did. I landed the job, I learned a lot from it. And at this point, though I’m no longer in that industry, I can definitely say “I did try and made it!”. So you see, you can accomplish anything in life as long as you believe that you can. Whatever life hits you with as long as you stay positive and happy you can definitely achieve what you came there to do.

I guess, all I’m saying is, whatever opportunity that’ll come your way even if it isn’t what you have been trained to do or have been doing for the longest time as long as you are open to learning new things and have faith in yourself you will always be good at it. Who knows, that change may even be the door that leads you to a better life 🙂

February 4, 2016 4