What kind of a fool am I?

Regine Velasquez in one of her concerts singing the original song of Samie Davis

I often wonder how can people say that they have loved deeply. Is it because of the sacrifices they made for the other person? Is it because they can’t see themselves with any other? Or is it because they think that the other person is their better half that makes them whole?

Personally, a person is whole on her or his own. You don’t need another person to complete you. You have to be complete on your own before you can share your life with someone. Does that make me not know love? Why can I not see it as others do? Is that why I have failed relationships one after another? I had an interesting conversation with a friend, he said “you have to know what you want before you can say you found someone that you can share your life with”. Not his exact words but that was the gist of it. Love is just so confusing for me. Sometimes I feel that I love someone but it is easy for me to just walk away. Does that mean I didn’t love him? That is the reason why I think this song speaks to me in so many levels. I feel like I am not capable of such love, the kind of love that my parents had or the one that my siblings have found. I love my family, I love my friends. I care for people in general. But love, that is something I guess I have to learn.

I hope and pray one day the song of my life would change. That it doesn’t speak of emptiness and is not vague. That I can truly say that I know how to love.

I am not the only one…..

Its been a while.  I have been very busy at work that I just didn’t get the time to work on my blogs.  And I’d say I really missed writing.  A lot has happened since I wrote last, there were good and there were bad.  But I am truly blessed that I was able to go through all those with the help and guidance of God.  I’ve gotta tell you, I’m not a frequent church goer but I do believe in God, and I have a strong faith that I held on and still holding on to amidst the trials in life.

Earlier today, I was just browsing through Facebook.  I usually just read stories or articles that are shared to pass the time before I begin on my second work.  I saw this article or a video of a man making a vase out of crayola.  The artsy that I am, of course I was fascinated.  He has his own tool shed with all the tools a guy who’s into creating stuff has.  You can see that he likes all his tools and of course finds them very useful for his craft and work.  I suddenly remembered my brother in law.  He was my older sister’s husband, my sister who passed away last year because of Cancer.  I remembered him because he also has a tool shed like the guy has, he was kind of crafty too and likes to make all sorts of things, from cabinets to chairs.  I remember him valuing all his tools.  I remember him said that a tool is as good as its owner so you have got to keep on learning how to do things and not be contented with what you have learned.  He was a very big part of me and my youngest brother’s childhood.  He and my sister were together for 10 years before they decided to get married.  So he was basically a big part of my growing up years.  I remember we used to be close.  Me and my brother used to spend summers with them.  Like all marriages, theirs isn’t perfect.  Of course, in those times I would side with my sister for I always think that she deserves better.  That’s when we started to somehow grew apart, me and my brother in law.  From someone I admire and look up to, he became someone I despise the most.  Then my sister got sick.  It was straining for all of us, I know.  But everyone handles things differently.  I quit my new job so I can be there for her.  And during that time, I was really mad at my brother in law.  I can’t help but think if he did something sooner this wouldn’t be happening.  Then the faithful day came, my sister breathed her last.  I was mad, furious and extremely sad.  My sister practically raised us, and now she’s gone.  And I can’t help but feel like I have not done so much to help her.  Even now that it has been a year, it still feels like it was just yesterday.  The pain is still there, searing through my heart drilling a hole that forever will be void because of my sister’s passing.  I blamed my brother in law, was difficult to him thinking that I lost my sister because of him.  And now, seeing this man with his tools, I remembered him.  I remembered he sold everything they’ve got so he can at least give something for my sister’s medication and at the same time be able to provide for my nephew, who was only 12 years old then.  They lost their house, the one that he and my sister bought together, and when she died all they have were their clothes and things and they needed to move to a different house for the person who bought their house said its time that he and his son to vacate the house.  Its a good thing that he has his sisters to help him and his son to start a new life.

I now realized, I wasn’t the only one who lost a loved one, I wasn’t the only one who’s hurting til now, I wasn’t the only one.  He too lost a big part of his life, his wife, who he vowed to spend the rest of his life with.  I am not the only one, and I feel sorry that it took me this long to realize that.  I truly am.

I am a tool.

In most cases if someone tell you “you’re a tool” it connotes something negative.  But I would like to have a different feel to that now.  For I consider myself as a tool.  Not someone who is considered as geeky or stupid but I am a tool because I consider myself as someone who helps others achieve what they want in life by accomplishing baby steps to get to it.

I remember my last post was about finding a job.  This did help my family as I am now able to manage our finances well but most importantly aside from the monetary gain I have, there is something more to it than just numbers.  I am a teacher.  I teach English online to those who aspire to better themselves by embracing the fact that most countries now speak English, and for you to be able to catch up to the rest of the world you have to be able to communicate in a medium everybody uses.  I have several students everyday, they range from kids to young adults who are ready to take on the next level of their lives.    I see the struggle to learn and I want to be there for them.  I feel extremely happy when I see progress in my students, it may sound mushy, but as an educator that is a milestone for me.  That today, my students are a step closer to their dream than they were yesterday.  And you know what feels even better, its when your students take time to thank you for helping them.  Most can say it is my job to do so, but for them it is something even more.  The other day my student said “I want to tell you something please before we move on to the next topic”.  So I was like “okay, sure do you have any questions?” (Before starting the class, I usually tell them that they can ask me questions if there is something that they don’t understand so I can help them to.  And that they should not be shy about it because I am here to help them learn).  He said “I don’t have any questions I just want you to know teacher that I appreciate what you do for me.  You always give me corrections and suggestions to improve how I speak not like the others.  And I am really happy about it because I am now better.  That’s all teacher.”.  After that I hardly have words, it felt like there was a big lump in my throat that I can’t speak.  I was so touched that they see the effort that I put it and even happier that he can now express himself better.

My students say this all the time, you think that by hearing it a number of times you won’t get the feels anymore.  But every time a student thanks me its like hearing it the first time over and over again.  This kind of appreciation and self worth cannot amount to any denomination.  For it may be my job to teach them but its my calling to help them learn.  So yes, I am a tool and I am proud to be one.

 

What is family???

I love watching TV series.  I usually watch NCIS, Criminal minds, CSI (Las Vegas, though now its just CSI, Cyber Unit which I haven’t had the chance to watch just yet), Hawaii Five-0, Bones.  Last week, I’m on NCIS New Orleans.  This particular episode hit me.  It was a story about a a gay couple whose daughter was abducted.  Its not really about the action, the suspense, but how they are as a family.  Growing up we were taught that a family consist of a father, mother and siblings.  But as I grow up its all about the people who loves you unconditionally and deeply.

Let me give you a peak to mine.  Normally, as what society dictates, consist of a mother, father and children.  When I was growing up I have a mother, 2 dads and siblings.  No, my mom isn’t promiscuous, its just that certain circumstance lead to her being separated from her first husband.  But that’s not the end of it.  My stepdad (my mother’s first husband) had emphysema.  Though separated, they still live in the same house.  So when my mom met my dad, my dad knew of the situation but didn’t mind at all.  He took care of all of us, and yes even my stepdad.  It was not all fairy tale but we our house was full of love.  My mom and dad would work, while I stay with my siblings with my step dad.  I had convulsions , I usually have this epileptic streak every now and again when I was young.  My stepdad was the last face I see whenever I had those “moments” and his face is also the first face I see  whenever I come to.  That is love.  He’s not my real dad but he loves me and he’s there for me.  So you see, not all unconventional family is dysfunctional, sometimes those kinds of family is the best any kid could ever hope and pray for.  And I can truly say I am really blessed to be born into my family, though not perfect as how society sees it but it was all I ever need. Cheers to us with unconventional families!

 

I can do it!!

Before we set out into the world, we have endured countless hours of studying and making ourselves masters if not at least knowledgeable on certain areas in life.  This is for us to be prepared in what we call the “adult life”.  Because once we set out into the world and leave our nests there’s no turning back.  I for one was a Communications Major in College, but as I go through my life, there are times that just doesn’t give you that much choice.  So its either you wing back or get hit by the bat, right?  Well, I always choose to swing back.  I feel that though the circumstance that I’m or I was in was not really something that I would be glad to get into, but the thing is you have to deal with it.

So yeah, I was a Communications Major, then I got my first job in Call Center (yes, Philippines is swarming with BPO or Call Center companies).  I was really happy there and yeah I was able to put my education into good use, communicating 🙂 But the thing is, since most of the clients are overseas, we have to work at night.  And there came a time where in I became more prone to sickness because of it.  So I decided that I should just get a regular job, like in Philippines time.  One day, one of my friends asked if I can accompany her to her job hunting.  Little did I know that she was applying for a bank and that she asked me if I wanted to apply too.  At first, I was like “I’m not into banking and finance.  I am a Communications Major”.  And the only time I spent time doing math in school is during Math subjects which isn’t one of my major ones.  So basically, I know how to count, add, subtract, ,multiply and add, but that’s it.  She then told me “trying won’t hurt you know”.  And so I did.  I landed the job, I learned a lot from it.  And at this point, though I’m no longer in that industry, I can definitely say “I did try and made it!”.  So you see, you can accomplish anything in life as long as you believe that you can.  Whatever life hits you with as long as you stay positive and happy you can definitely achieve what you came there to do.

I guess, all I’m saying is, whatever opportunity that’ll come your way even if it isn’t what you have been trained to do or have been doing for the longest time as long as you are open to learning new things and have faith in yourself you will always be good at it.  Who knows, that change may even be the door that leads you to a better life 🙂

When the going gets tough..

Lately its been a tad difficult for my life’s puzzle bits and pieces to fit together. If its just me you know I wouldn’t mind but the thing is I have people who depend on me and I just can’t afford to lose it.  I tried to calm myself down and not worry.  By this time, I told myself, you should know that whatever happens God will always give you what you need.  And yeah, I should know better.  So to keep myself from thinking too much I started out on this little project for my work room.  Actually this started last December.  There was one day that I got so mad that I cried.  I don’t like that feeling, I don’t like it at all.  I feel like my life is sucked right out of me whenever I do, so I always try not to feel that way.  But you know sometimes its just inevitable.  So during that day I prayed really hard.  I asked God to take away the anger I’m feeling, I don’t want it.  And then an idea hit me, why don’t I keep myself busy so my mind’s off those things that just upsets me.

That’s when my mini-renov project came to existence.  At first, I said, I just wanted to paint my walls white so the room will have better lighting.

So it did!  Then I was looking into the boxes I have in storage and found all my diplomas from Kinder to College.  I was like, this has been here for 6 years now (I moved in this house 6 years a go with my mom, niece and nephew) maybe its about time to let it out and hang on the wall.  But I don’t want it to just be on the wall.  I want something with it to represent the diplomas I have.  I thought of how I got them, the sacrifices my parents did so I get a good education, all my hardwork to make sure that those sacrifices won’t go to waste.  So I thought of a tree, the diplomas symbolizes the fruits of mine and my parent’s labor.

And the idea just keep on flowing.  And its good I love it, it keeps me calm in this not so great situation I’m in.  I thought of making a mini library, like a DIY one.  I still haven’t gone through it but I was able to paint on the other wall where my Our Lady of Manaog is hanging.  I want to paint flowers for her but I’m not that good of an artist.  So what I lack in talent I make up in skills and thinking 🙂 Since the design that I wanted requires me to paint a straight line (I’ve been struggling on coloring, lines and all since I was in Kinder.  To think I would have been better by now, sadly no 😉 ) I just used tape as a guide for the lines, painted it and added the circles to make it look like some sort of a flower 🙂

Now that I’m done with the walls, the next would be the shelves for my library and the paintings that I want to hang on the other side 🙂 But that just got to wait for I have work in a bit.  Though tired, I got so busy that I kept my worries at bay for now.  Well, as they say “tomorrow is another day”.  But today, I felt good and accomplished, thank God ❤

 

 

Sharing is caring ;)

Our class in blogging ended, but the friendship and inspiration I gained from that never will.

At first, I thought that since I don’t really know what to do or how to do things in the blogging world that a class would really do me good.  It did, like a lot.  I have learned to build my site, customize and yes, I was even able to link links to it and learned how to ping back 🙂 It maybe simple to some but for a tech challenged like me its really a big deal.  I also gained followers and source of inspiration.  I have learned that there is a gazillion ways to express yourself through writing, and I have my fellow bloggers to thank for that.  I have also learned that blogging is not just a one way street just like in real life.  You share a part of you in your work as much as others share a part of them in theirs.  And then it hit me, why don’t I share that to the world, well at least to my Facebook and twitter followers.  I know for a fact that I will not be the only one that needs inspiration in one way or another.  And reading others work is like to going to a real cool bazaar and getting your hands on a really really great find.  And so I have started sharing the blogs that I find very inspiring in my page.  And I have great hopes that others will be touched the way I was in reading the articles that I have shared.  There’s like a hundred more, I may not be able to share them all at once but I will definitely find time to.

This has been a really great experience, and by sharing the blogs of others will somehow give the others a chance to see things through somebody else’s eyes.  I hope we will all continue to spread the love, knowledge and inspiration.  Who knows who else these blogs will inspire in the coming days, right? 🙂 So if you have something that you particularly want to share just include the link in your comments and I will get to them 🙂 You can also go to my Facebook Page and see what has been shared.  You can comment there too ❤

 

Reasons why people don’t want to venture into Insurance Sales

Financial Services or Insurance Industry is one of the thriving industries these days.  With a staggering income of trillions each year and 6, 118 Insurance Companies registered in 2014 alone.  With those numbers you’d think that its a very much stable company to join or to be a part of.  But why are people hesitant to be a part of these companies?

As a recruiter who sources for an Insurance firm, I often hear people say “It’s not for me”, “I’m not into sales”, I don’t do door to door”.  It is but obvious that they don’t want to venture in the sales industry for they may be unsure of how they can go about it.  But in every line of work there will always be trainings to ensure that you are equipped with the skill to garner success, right?  I’ve researched and found out these “myths” surrounding the Insurance Industry.

 

1.  “They make you bug your neighbors and family to buy Insurance”  

To start in any selling field, of course you have to have your own “market”.  And chances are high when it comes to selling to people who knows you and believes that you will not do anything to severe that relationship because of a “tricky” investment.  This will also help you save money as oppose to buying leads.  Which we all know, isn’t exactly the best option to go when we’re talking about something important as an investment to your future.

2.  “They will just hire you and feed you to the wolves.”

Well, in this scenario I must say that this is happening not only in the Financial Services or Insurance Industry.  That is why it is always wise to check the background of the company that hires you or you are applying for.  When I say “do a background check” I didn’t mean like actually hire someone to snoop around for you.  “Do a background check” means to at least Google the company and see what others have to say about them.  In that way, you will have an idea on what you’re getting yourself into.  Don’t judge too quickly, that’s all!

3.  ” The manager was no help at all!”

This will probably get a lot of nods from y’all who has worked at some point in their lives in an Insurance Company.  But you see, just like everything else, not all managers are like that.  We cannot generalize an idea of an opinion based on assumptions on a notion that all managers do is tell you what to do or worst expect great things from you without giving you anything.

4.  “Getting a client sign up is like a hurdle in a race that you have to go through”

Of course, just like in everything in our lives that we want, we have to work for it.  But surely, that hard work will pay off.  In life, either we get what we want or we learn from it and be able to do it better.  You will not remain where you are forever as long as you continue to better yourself.

5.  “Its not a very glamorous job, plus everyone hates an Insurance agent”

 

People have a general perception that Insurance agents are horrible human beings, that is true.  BUT, yes there is a very big BUT there.  But, for those who was helped tremendously by these Insurance agents most people hate, they are heaven sent.  Imagine having to deal with legalities and monetary concerns in an emergency.  These people are there to assist you sort out things while you get a grip of what’s happening as they happen.

 

There maybe a lot of negative things, but the bottom line is you have to know for sure what you’re getting yourself into and know that whether you’re new at it or not you can definitely rock it! So if you’re thinking of switching careers but don’t know exactly where to go just message me and I will introduce you to one of the best managers I know who can make it happen and will lead you to success!

“When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.” Bernard Bailey

In almost all of the books about self worth and self appreciation it is highlighted that you should know the value of oneself.  You should see yourself as someone of great value, importance and existence to boost your morale and self esteem.  But just like everything else in life, anything that is done in excess is never good.

When you talk about self worth or value what comes in mind is that you are special.  Of course, we all are.  But that doesn’t mean that other people are just your minions.  The main purpose of building self esteem is for you to be productive in the sense that you’ll have a normal and healthy life & relationship.  Don’t get too excited there, when I said relationship it is not just the lovey-dovey thing.  It also means relationship with co-workers, acquaintances, friends & family.  And yes again, you are read it right, there are other people too who you co-exist in this planet.  So for some who mastered the art of appreciating himself/herself alone would definitely be disappointed to know that the Universe doesn’t revolve around them.  That everything will be just fine if they’re not in the picture.  You are important but so are others. It wouldn’t make you less of a person if you acknowledge that and really see that it is what it is.

Besides, don’t you think its wonderful to share moments with someone with, again I’m not just talking about love here.  Others’ story, feelings and thoughts are important too.   We should all learn to give credit when credit is due.

 

oOOo

PING BACK: In Other Words

A man’s highest moment is when he kneels in the dust, beats his breast tells all the sins of his life – Oscar Wilde

There are many things in life that are very difficult to deal with or do.  One of which is to admit that you are wrong and that you are really sorry for it.  Probably because we think too highly of ourselves and sometimes or often times we think that admitting that you have done something wrong means that you are less of a person that you are.  But saying sorry or admitting isn’t really a weakness.  For it takes a lot of strength and courage to admit your fault, to God and to men.  And to confess it and admit it is a noble thing to do.  Not will only doing that help you make amends but it will also get to show that you are big enough to admit that you are wrong and you have the courage to face it and make it right.  So, let’s not take apologizing lightly, it is something that we don’t do just for the sake of doing it.  When you apologize, you show a side of you that is vulnerable and true.

 

oOOo

Today’s the last day of the challenge. I hope I have shared how I see life in general.  This may not summarize it all but just bits and pieces of what’s closest to my heart.

For the last day, I nominate:

Dreamer9177

Mayvaneday

Mystical Writer