DAY 2: You are not an accident

2 Thus says the Lord who made you,
    who formed you from the womb and will help you

I have always wondered why am I alive on this earth. Especially during difficult times when I’m down on the ground and have nothing. That’s what I thought. As I have come to know God more and his words, I have come to realize that I never had nothing. I am alive, I have a home, a family, friends. I have my life.

Then I am reminded of how I came to be. I am the first born with my mother’s second husband. I know there were a lot of rumors back then. The people in my life now don’t even know that when I was baptized my biological father was named my godfather, and my stepfather was the one who stood as my father for some time. I’ve always seen myself as a mistake, a fluke, an accident that should never have happened until now.

As I was reading the words for the second day, this brought me to tears:

Most amazing, God decided how you would be born. Regardless of the circumstances of your birth, or who your parents are, God had a plan in creating you. It doesn’t matter whether your parents were good, bad, or indifferent. God knew that those two individuals possessed exactly the right genetic make up to create the custom “you” he had in mind. They had the DNA God wanted to make you.

While there are illegitimate parents, there are no illegitimate children. Many children are unplanned by their parents, but they are not unplanned by God.

Day 2: You are not an accident | Purpose Driven Life

When we were young, at home it was good. But I always felt different because of how people see or treat us for being who we are and how we came to be. There’s always this pinch in my heart, my heart aches for me and my brother. As much as I want to shield him from that, I am not really doing too good in doing that for me. Blessing is, I never saw that he ever minded that, or maybe that’s what he wanted me to see. But the pain is there. I remember when I was little, the time before I even went to school, I always ask God why did He allow us to be born in this situation. I guess that’s the reason I always wanted to be good at something. In my mind, it kind of makes up for the fact that I wasn’t born in a conventional family. But that can only go so far. At some point the question arises again.

But as I get older I have come to understand better. It doesn’t matter where I come from or how I came to be, what should only matter is how I see myself. I remember one time me and my sister went to church, I told her “I am different, people see me differently because I have a different dad than yours”, she said, “what other people think or say doesn’t matter. What matters is that I love you.” That moment I thanked God for giving her as a sister. I wouldn’t want anyone else but her.

Fast forward to today, during our bible study sessions all of those hesitations, questions, pain and sorrow was given a different light. I understand better, all of these is how God intended it to be. Who I am, where I am, and how I am was exactly how Abba wanted. God says,

I have carried you since you were born; I have taken care of you from your birth. Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I made you and I will take care of you.

I am no accident, I am here for a reason, I am here because God wants me to be here. I will be here and try harder to understand and see what His purpose for me is. I am a child of God.

DAY 1: It all starts with God

16 For by[a] him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him.

You can’t find your purpose by focusing on what you think you want. Just as an invention can’t tell us what it is for or someone who doesn’t know anything about it can’t tell what it is and what it is for. This elusive search has been mankind’s quest for years, and even those that have excelled in their fields still search for the purpose and meaning of life. With that, there’s a lot of self help books to help us find it.

Reading this, I realized I’ve been doing all the the wrong things all this time. And I too have fallen to the promise of the self-help books that I have read all these years. I have centered everything according to what I want not realizing that whatever it is that’s happening to me or will happen is according to His plan. Don’t get me wrong, we do excel if we really out our minds and efforts to it but even if we do are we able to fulfill our purpose in life? We are after made for and by God, I do not intend to insist my belief on anyone this is my personal belief that I like to share with anyone who would listen or take the time. I have felt so empty especially when my mom passed away this January. I have been attending bible study sessions to understand and know more about God and if there is something that I’m doing wrong with my life. I mean I have everything sorted, that’s what I thought anyway. I have helped my family, took care of my mom, I have reached a level of comfort at what I do and gave me a lot of wiggle room to grow even more. But at the end of the day, when you’re all alone and it’s just you and your thoughts you wonder what are you really doing on this earth. And after my mom passed away, everything seemed more oblivious than when I started.

I am not yet there, obviously, but I intend to know and understand what it really is that I’m supposed to do with my life. I’m 38 and I still haven’t figured it out but I soon might and I’d say I’ve come to a good start. Til next time!