Hope

Photo credits to owner.

2018 has been challenging for me, both personally and at work.  To give you a brief background of myself, I come from a family of five children.  We lost our sister back in 2015 due to cancer.  They say we should love our siblings the same as parents should love each and every child just the same, but I guess I am guilty of loving one sibling more than the others.  My older sister, Maribel, was technically the one who raised me and my younger brother as our parents go out every day to provide for the family.  I guess you can say we are close.  I don’t have a single childhood memory that doesn’t have her in it.  I never really thought she’d go before me or before any of us for that matter.  Her passing was difficult for all of us, probably most difficult for our mother, for no parent should ever bury their child.  Up to this day, she hasn’t visited my sister in the cemetery where she was laid to rest.  I asked her why, she said “If I see her name on a tombstone, it would only make it more real.  Now, I just think of it like she is just busy with her family that is why I don’t get to see her.” That broke my heart to a million pieces, as I too am having difficulty accepting the fact that she is no longer with us.

Fast forward to 2018, whenever I remember her I can still feel the pain of losing her as if it was just yesterday.  But I somehow learned to live with it. They say time heals all wounds, they actually don’t, you just learn to live with the fact that there will no longer be date nights with your sister or have a sleepover every now and again.  To deal with the pain, I focused my attention on the people who are still with me, especially our mother.  I worked day and night to at least give her a comfortable life.  The usual stuff, our mom is now 76 years old and has heart problems, so that would include making sure I have money for her medical expenses, she gets to go wherever she wants to and do whatever she wants to.  But some time this year, I had a problem at work that forced me to resign.  At the time, I felt betrayed by the people I thought were my friends, I felt that I failed our mom, I felt like I failed myself.  It took a while before I was able to get back on my feet and ready to take on new challenges.  As I was on my way to getting there, I experienced a couple of setbacks.  I said to myself, “You can’t expect the world to pause for you while you sulk and pity yourself.  If there’s one person who can help you, that would be YOU.”

I prayed and I never stopped trying to find work until I got hired. I didn’t just get one job but I was hired for two.  I have everything going again until I didn’t, again.  But this time, I won’t sulk or walk around like I lost my head, I will continue to move forward as I know this too shall pass.  I am alive, I woke up this morning, we have food on the table, our mom is okay, my nieces and nephews are wonderful, my brothers are doing okay.  It kind of reminded me a story I chanced upon while I was browsing ~

Once, all villagers decided to pray for rain.  On the day of prayer all people gathered but only ONE boy came with an umbrella.  That’s Faith.

When you toss a one year old baby in the air, he laughs because he knows you will catch him.  That’s Trust.

Every night we go to bed, we have no assurance to wake up alive next morning, but we set an alarm for tomorrow.  That’s Hope.

It hits close to home, as I was reminded to keep the Faith, learn to be steadfast and trust that God will never abandon me and Hope that everything will fall in its rightful place.  I still work my ass off, but I don’t worry anymore, I enjoy the day as it comes because I know in my heart it will all be alright.  I made it through 2018, but not alone.  I had tons of help from family and friends.  Happy New Year!  May this be a start of something new for you too and always remember to breathe and enjoy life.

Confusion is not an obstacle, its an indication that things are not what it seems.

I am not a religious person, but I can say with certainty that my faith is strong.  But even those who have strong faith encounters forks in the road.  I have encountered several lately.

Though confused at times, I know that all things happen for a reason, God will never abandon us and God let us meet people that should be part of our lives.  Like the time that my sister got sick and she really needed to go to the hospital.  I only have fifty pesos in my wallet and nothing in my bank account.  In case any of you wondering. fifty Philippine peso is equivalent to one USD at that time.  I was out of mind thinking how on earth could I pay for her medication.  But help came pouring in, like rain during a monsoon.  Recently, I was in a fix and I was planning on pawning or selling everything then a good person offered me help.  There was another time I was at the hospital with my mom at the same time my sister was sick.  I knew my sister had little time left, I prayed with all my heart that if she goes I hope and pray that she will not suffer.  A few minutes later I got a call from my sister in law saying that she passed while sleeping.  She didn’t suffer.  It was painful, how painful I cannot begin to describe it.  But God answered my prayer.

Right now, I am at that fork in the road, but I know God is with me and he will never abandon me.  Whatever it is that is happening right now I know God has bigger plans for me.  I am not perfect but God loves me.  He loves me despite and in spite of everything.  He will protect me and my family.

 

I can do it!!

Before we set out into the world, we have endured countless hours of studying and making ourselves masters if not at least knowledgeable on certain areas in life.  This is for us to be prepared in what we call the “adult life”.  Because once we set out into the world and leave our nests there’s no turning back.  I for one was a Communications Major in College, but as I go through my life, there are times that just doesn’t give you that much choice.  So its either you wing back or get hit by the bat, right?  Well, I always choose to swing back.  I feel that though the circumstance that I’m or I was in was not really something that I would be glad to get into, but the thing is you have to deal with it.

So yeah, I was a Communications Major, then I got my first job in Call Center (yes, Philippines is swarming with BPO or Call Center companies).  I was really happy there and yeah I was able to put my education into good use, communicating 🙂 But the thing is, since most of the clients are overseas, we have to work at night.  And there came a time where in I became more prone to sickness because of it.  So I decided that I should just get a regular job, like in Philippines time.  One day, one of my friends asked if I can accompany her to her job hunting.  Little did I know that she was applying for a bank and that she asked me if I wanted to apply too.  At first, I was like “I’m not into banking and finance.  I am a Communications Major”.  And the only time I spent time doing math in school is during Math subjects which isn’t one of my major ones.  So basically, I know how to count, add, subtract, ,multiply and add, but that’s it.  She then told me “trying won’t hurt you know”.  And so I did.  I landed the job, I learned a lot from it.  And at this point, though I’m no longer in that industry, I can definitely say “I did try and made it!”.  So you see, you can accomplish anything in life as long as you believe that you can.  Whatever life hits you with as long as you stay positive and happy you can definitely achieve what you came there to do.

I guess, all I’m saying is, whatever opportunity that’ll come your way even if it isn’t what you have been trained to do or have been doing for the longest time as long as you are open to learning new things and have faith in yourself you will always be good at it.  Who knows, that change may even be the door that leads you to a better life 🙂

When the going gets tough..

Lately its been a tad difficult for my life’s puzzle bits and pieces to fit together. If its just me you know I wouldn’t mind but the thing is I have people who depend on me and I just can’t afford to lose it.  I tried to calm myself down and not worry.  By this time, I told myself, you should know that whatever happens God will always give you what you need.  And yeah, I should know better.  So to keep myself from thinking too much I started out on this little project for my work room.  Actually this started last December.  There was one day that I got so mad that I cried.  I don’t like that feeling, I don’t like it at all.  I feel like my life is sucked right out of me whenever I do, so I always try not to feel that way.  But you know sometimes its just inevitable.  So during that day I prayed really hard.  I asked God to take away the anger I’m feeling, I don’t want it.  And then an idea hit me, why don’t I keep myself busy so my mind’s off those things that just upsets me.

That’s when my mini-renov project came to existence.  At first, I said, I just wanted to paint my walls white so the room will have better lighting.

So it did!  Then I was looking into the boxes I have in storage and found all my diplomas from Kinder to College.  I was like, this has been here for 6 years now (I moved in this house 6 years a go with my mom, niece and nephew) maybe its about time to let it out and hang on the wall.  But I don’t want it to just be on the wall.  I want something with it to represent the diplomas I have.  I thought of how I got them, the sacrifices my parents did so I get a good education, all my hardwork to make sure that those sacrifices won’t go to waste.  So I thought of a tree, the diplomas symbolizes the fruits of mine and my parent’s labor.

And the idea just keep on flowing.  And its good I love it, it keeps me calm in this not so great situation I’m in.  I thought of making a mini library, like a DIY one.  I still haven’t gone through it but I was able to paint on the other wall where my Our Lady of Manaog is hanging.  I want to paint flowers for her but I’m not that good of an artist.  So what I lack in talent I make up in skills and thinking 🙂 Since the design that I wanted requires me to paint a straight line (I’ve been struggling on coloring, lines and all since I was in Kinder.  To think I would have been better by now, sadly no 😉 ) I just used tape as a guide for the lines, painted it and added the circles to make it look like some sort of a flower 🙂

Now that I’m done with the walls, the next would be the shelves for my library and the paintings that I want to hang on the other side 🙂 But that just got to wait for I have work in a bit.  Though tired, I got so busy that I kept my worries at bay for now.  Well, as they say “tomorrow is another day”.  But today, I felt good and accomplished, thank God ❤

 

 

Sharing is caring ;)

Our class in blogging ended, but the friendship and inspiration I gained from that never will.

At first, I thought that since I don’t really know what to do or how to do things in the blogging world that a class would really do me good.  It did, like a lot.  I have learned to build my site, customize and yes, I was even able to link links to it and learned how to ping back 🙂 It maybe simple to some but for a tech challenged like me its really a big deal.  I also gained followers and source of inspiration.  I have learned that there is a gazillion ways to express yourself through writing, and I have my fellow bloggers to thank for that.  I have also learned that blogging is not just a one way street just like in real life.  You share a part of you in your work as much as others share a part of them in theirs.  And then it hit me, why don’t I share that to the world, well at least to my Facebook and twitter followers.  I know for a fact that I will not be the only one that needs inspiration in one way or another.  And reading others work is like to going to a real cool bazaar and getting your hands on a really really great find.  And so I have started sharing the blogs that I find very inspiring in my page.  And I have great hopes that others will be touched the way I was in reading the articles that I have shared.  There’s like a hundred more, I may not be able to share them all at once but I will definitely find time to.

This has been a really great experience, and by sharing the blogs of others will somehow give the others a chance to see things through somebody else’s eyes.  I hope we will all continue to spread the love, knowledge and inspiration.  Who knows who else these blogs will inspire in the coming days, right? 🙂 So if you have something that you particularly want to share just include the link in your comments and I will get to them 🙂 You can also go to my Facebook Page and see what has been shared.  You can comment there too ❤

 

A man’s highest moment is when he kneels in the dust, beats his breast tells all the sins of his life – Oscar Wilde

There are many things in life that are very difficult to deal with or do.  One of which is to admit that you are wrong and that you are really sorry for it.  Probably because we think too highly of ourselves and sometimes or often times we think that admitting that you have done something wrong means that you are less of a person that you are.  But saying sorry or admitting isn’t really a weakness.  For it takes a lot of strength and courage to admit your fault, to God and to men.  And to confess it and admit it is a noble thing to do.  Not will only doing that help you make amends but it will also get to show that you are big enough to admit that you are wrong and you have the courage to face it and make it right.  So, let’s not take apologizing lightly, it is something that we don’t do just for the sake of doing it.  When you apologize, you show a side of you that is vulnerable and true.

 

oOOo

Today’s the last day of the challenge. I hope I have shared how I see life in general.  This may not summarize it all but just bits and pieces of what’s closest to my heart.

For the last day, I nominate:

Dreamer9177

Mayvaneday

Mystical Writer

The day I knew I was strong.

A lot of things had happened to me since I lost my job last year.  To start with, the reason why I lost my job was because of an unfortunate turn of events that actually started with my poor lack of judgement.  Yes, I do admit that, there is nothing else to do but admit it then move on.  After that “poor PSDM” last year everything went downhill.  I lost friends, well I thought they were, then I lost my job, then I started to be doing odd jobs since to support my family.  Latter part of last year we found out that my sister had stage 4 lung cancer.  At first, I was thinking, we can do this!  There are a lot of medicines these days to cure it or at least alleviate the pain.  I went to Laguna, to get my sister and admit her to a hospital here in Manila.  I was thinking “oh crap! What can I possibly do to help her, I don’t have a stable job, I don’t have money”.  I only had fifty pesos in my pocket that time.  But then when she held my hand, I knew what to do.  I need to be there for her.  Then her card maxed out so we are on the “cash basis” only.  Which means that we have to buy everything and the hospital will only provide the care through their nurses and doctors.  I was thinking, well, how hard can that be I have my brother in law to help me since he is the husband and you know its kind of his responsibility.  We had an agreement, I will take care of my sister while he would go out and find us some money to support her needs.  But lo and behold he’s MIA!  Only there half of the time and when I ask him for money to buy the medicine and everything else she needs he would only say he doesn’t have money and that I should just pray.  What the heck right!  I do pray, I pray that God will give me the strength that I need for our family and most especially my sister.  But God was really good.  I was able to raise the money my sister needs through friends and family.  Since I got that out of the way I thought I can just focus on taking care of her.  Then my mom got sick!  Now, I have to be in two places everyday.  Every morning with my sister and during the afternoons I have to go home and take care of my mom.  I didn’t complained, I never complained.  I was just thinking, well at least their both doing okay, being tired has a very simple solution.  I can just take a minute to take a quick nap and I will be energized again.  Before I went to see my mom that week, we can no longer find viable veins to insert the IV.  I asked the doctor they can just administer the medicines orally (through a tube that was inserted through her nose).  I knew it in my heart the week won’t end and I would have to say good bye to her.  Then the faithful day came, I was still with my mom I received a call from my sister in law, who at that time was the one looking after my sister while I take care of things my mom needs.  She said “mahinang mahina na ate mo bumalik ka na dito”.  I was really trembling when I heard her words, I knew there was a little time left. I can’t just leave my mom for no one would be there to take care of the things she needs, I had to wait until everything is settled before I can go back to my sister.  As I enter the hospital where my sister was confined I would pass by a chapel before getting to an elevator.  As I did, I said a prayer and went on my way.  When I got out of the elevator and as I was walking down the aisle I had a feeling of sadness.  My heart was heavy and my legs could barely move.  I saw the door to her room slightly opened and my brother in law was outside with my nephew.  Tears began to fall because I knew what I was about to see would tear me apart.  I opened the door and found several nurses inside.  They were already removing the tubes attached to her.  And there she was pale as the moon in a dark starry night.  I went to her side and held her, the once vibrant person with warm touch is now gone.  I can no longer feel her heart and even though I screamed at the top of my lungs begging her to come back, she never did.  I knew I had to be strong, I knew in my heart that’s how she wanted it to be.